Ever since I began spreading my tale of woe (one parent struck by a bus and the other struck by a stroke on the same day, and poor me having to manage the whole situation), people have been quietly confiding their own sad stories. One friend provided hospice for her father, who had fecal vomiting from colon cancer. Another spends her Saturdays visiting her stone-deaf father and alcoholic step-mother, who are confined to wheelchairs, and walks their yapping dog—and she has done this for years without a word of complaint. Another has provided hospice—twice—to her mother, who's still alive years later. Yet another oversaw the descent into dementia of her mother, a dignified, distinguished doctor who took to tearing off her clothes and defecating in stairwells. It turns out I'm one of the lucky ones.
That was driven home today when I attended a lunchtime eldercare presentation by a social worker. There were perhaps 10 of us in the room, and about half were just in their 30s, taking care of parents and grandparents and children, juggling jobs and night duty. At least at the age of 59, I'm engaged in an age-appropriate task. And although I'm a full-time worrier, I don't give hands-on care on a regular basis. Some 400 million families—nearly a quarter of the population—are engaged in eldercare, according to the presenter. Who knew? I guess it never seems real till it happens to you.
4 comments:
Wow, 400 million. That's amazing. Who knew it was that many? But I would hardly call you a crybaby. You've had quite a lot on your plate.
It does all seem to happen at once. When my mother was dying in a hospice, and my sister got hit by a car and nearly died, and my daughter was extremely depressed, I thought that was a little over the top. But then I realized that's pretty much how it happens.
Its that old Rule of Three thing!
in 2000 me, my brother and his son were diagnosed with different forms of cancer in the same month. april. that 3 thing is so weird.
in 2005. me and 2 other of my sisters (i have 7 siblings, but it was only the 3 of us who rose to the occasion and that's a whole other story) took care of my mother for 3 months until her death. hospice care was invited in at the very end. one of my sisters that helped out is a cna. it was the most mind blowing time of my life and i haven't quite placed it yet. i should've reached out to friends but i didn't want to get the realities of death all over them. but now, knowing the numbers you've shared, i should've reached out- and possibly found comfort in knowing someone else out there understood. as always, thank you for your words. their clarity and truth blow me away some times.
Oh, Jacquie, I'm so sorry. Another reminder that I'm just a big baby—and that we're a nation of saints! Best to you. Eager to see your new designs ...
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