Old people

Here is what old people say to each other while they’re getting dressed:

He: "Do my wattles make me look like a walrus? Do I look old?"

She: "No,  you look unnaturally young. When I walk down the street with you, people say, 'Oh, how nice that that young man is holding his mother’s hand!'"

Here’s what passes for drama among old people:

I felt deeply guilty because I had a root canal that cost $1,700. It immediately failed, so now I’m having an implant that will cost twice that. Now I feel relieved because Other swallowed his crown.