Homonymphomania

Lately, what with my hearing aids and all, I've been unable to plug into the news with earpods at the gym, so I've resorted to closed captions on the TV attached to the Elliptical machine. The news in closed captions is way more interesting than the real news. There are vehicles called toe trucks that get into a lot of accidents, just like toes. And there is a thing called a threw way that is very dangerous—especially if you're in a toe truck.