You know you're getting old when ...

... designers don't want to make money off of you by creating styles that could conceivably be worn by anyone remotely near your age. I'm not talking just about clothes that don't require cleavage—although sometimes it seems as if young women I pass on the streets are presenting their breasts on a platter like St. Lucy's eyes—but about clothes that aren't so tight you could count the whorls on the wearer's belly button. Let's not even get into lingerie and the dread thongs, formerly known as G strings, which are now ubiquitous. I'm not ready to dress myself out of the Vermont Country Store, but I wish there were a reasonably priced alternative to what I see in the stores in my neighborhood.