For a good time, take the train

If you're hard of hearing and too vain to wear hearing aids, chances are you'll hear people saying some surprising things. Typically, in mild deafness, vowels remain clear but consonants become indistinct. Today, on the subway platform, I was astonished to hear the announcer say, "For S&M service, go to the downtown platform ..." Oh, right, F and M service. Of course.