Saturday, September 15, 2012

Killer heart

My friends think of me as a gentle soul (right, friends?). But a killer alter ego lurks within. So it is that when I saw a gang of teenagers using a battery-operated bug-zapping tennis-racket-shaped flyswatter on the mosquito-infested Maine island where I vacation, I was desperate to get one.

The kids were sitting on a deck at dusk, idly waving the thing to and fro—not aiming—and the air was filled with the sound of ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! A faint odor of fried bugmeat burned my nostrils. I begged for a turn—and screamed with delight at my first kill.

It was a heady thrill—though I felt guilt about the pleasure I took in searching out insects in open nature and killing them. It did feel wanton.

But that didn’t deter me from ordering the thing on Amazon as soon as I got home to Manhattan. After all, I told myself, I won’t use it outside, where bugs have every right to be. I’ll just go after home invaders.

But here’s the rub. There really aren’t a lot of insects in my apartment, and they’re just as hard to hit with the sizzler as they are with my open palm. Still, there’s something about that zapping sound and flash of light and drifting speck of ash that’s intoxicating. Is this how serial killers feel?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I am currently in the pen for serial killings. It all started with an electric bug swatter on a tranquil coastal island. Then it was mice, rats . . . I'll spare you the details, but it got out of hand. Totally. BTW, lots of bugs here in jail, no defense, but I've made peace with them. (But if you could send me one of those devices, it would help me get back in touch with my inner self.) P.S. I enjoy your blog and appreciate your honesty. I sense we have a lot in common. Prisoner 47B856, USDP