Thursday, April 15, 2010

All pissed off and nowhere to go

So I know that whining is frowned upon by virtually everyone the world round. In yogic terms, it indicates attachment and a failure to achieve maitri (loving kindness). But isn’t it ever justified? I’d like to think so, because right now I want to snivel about a few things. Unfortunately, my complaints are so petty and the people provoking them so abject that I’m embarrassed. But of course I’m going to let loose anyway.

*I’m pissed that my sister-in-law neglected to make a will, thus dumping the whole mess on Other (and by extension, me). Yes, I know that the very fact that she had a life-threatening disease made it difficult to undertake the tasks that put her in direct confrontation with death. I’m still pissed.

*I’m pissed that my parents refuse to hire the help they need. What they call independence is actually dependence on their kids. It’s not that I mind lending a hand. But I resent the stress inflicted by their willful teetering on the precipice.

*I’m pissed that my employer has pared not just the fat but also the muscle and bone of my department so that my ridiculous job feels desperate.

*And I’m really pissed that my back aches so ominously and insistently that I cannot dismiss the fear of metastasis—even though I know (but am I sure?) it’s just post-cancer hypochondria.

There, I’ve done it. Do I feel better? Maybe a little. But was there a better way than the path of whine and whimper?


Anonymous said...

Go ahead and whine and whimper. It's outrageous what's happening.

Barbara said...

Those aren't petty complaints, especially the last. I know you don't need me to say this, but maybe check in with your oncologist to ease your mind . . .