When he was 7:
* M: I saw Wally Shawn on the street today. I think he lives in our neighborhood.
J: Oh, is he a drug addict?
* [On receiving a Casio synthesizer from the tooth fairy] "This is how life was meant to be. You could say I'm happy two times!"
* "I just can't have enough of these kisses!"
* [After M uses spit to wipe jam from his face] "I didn't come here to have you ransack me!"
And when he was 8:
* "Mommy, will you take me to an open-casket funeral?"
When he was 9:
* J: You know what you are?
J: Mrs. Dime Store Flatulence!
M: What's that?
J: Someone who farts in the dime store.
* [Complaining about his baby sister C] "... and she has this weird vision thing that turns you into her love slave."
* "I'm going to give this green slime to C so she can socialize with it."
* M: Does your friend Mohammed speak English or Arabic?
J: English. He speaks it very well. He even knows curse words.
M: Really? Like what?
J: He said, "Go shave your pussy" and "Go find yourself a dick."
And there the record ends. Alas.