When he was 7, 8, 9 ...

When he was 7:

* M: I saw Wally Shawn on the street today. I think he lives in our neighborhood.
    J: Oh, is he a drug addict?

* [On receiving a Casio synthesizer from the tooth fairy] "This is how life was meant to be. You could say I'm happy two times!"

* "I just can't have enough of these kisses!"

* [After M uses spit to wipe jam from his face] "I didn't come here to have you ransack me!"

And when he was 8:

* "Mommy, will you take me to an open-casket funeral?"

When he was 9:

* J: You know what you are?
  M: What?
   J: Mrs. Dime Store Flatulence!
  M: What's that?
  J:  Someone who farts in the dime store.

* [Complaining about his baby sister C] "... and she has this weird vision thing that turns you into her love slave."

* "I'm going to give this green slime to C so she can socialize with it."

* M: Does your friend Mohammed speak English or Arabic?
   J: English. He speaks it very well. He even knows curse words.
   M: Really? Like what?
   J: He said, "Go shave your pussy" and "Go find yourself a dick."

And there the record ends. Alas.